Let’s look at some basic fundamental “must haves” for sexual intimacy and good sex. Let me know what you think about these tips. Which do you think are important for you besides having the right partner to practice with?

1. Communication is essential for connection. I do not mean conversation that is information exchange. The importance of feeling seen and respected, speaking and listening with empathy, and being responsible for how we are critical and judgmental sets the tone for wanting to be physically intimate. I have enjoyed using Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg to support my self in learning the differences between wants and needs and practicing listening skills.

2. Self-Esteem is critical. To give yourself permission to have fun, enjoy physical pleasure and create emotional intimacy should be a high priority on your “must have” list of things in life; beyond things, money or the demands of being successful at work. Sexual intimacy requires a willingness to be playful and to have fun be a significant part of our routine except for the most demanding circumstances. Some people do not believe fun is critical to their well-being and that sex has to be serious.

3.Feeling emotionally centered and grounded is important to feel present and able to make clear choices. Safety is a necessity for sexual intimacy. Emotions like anxiety, fear, anger or sadness often preoccupy our awareness. These negative states can take up energy that either preoccupies us to not feel sexual, or completely blocks our capacity to connect and to feel aroused or interested in sexual energy.

4. Priorities and perspectives are important. Mental energy is important so that we have space for an intimate relationship. How we think about the demands of work, children, money, family needs and our health can take up so much room there is nothing left over for playful connections and emotional intimacy. Or, we can live our life oriented to making room to be generous towards ourselves and others because our needs for intimacy are a core value that we must fulfill, lest we risk isolation when we do not bond intimately. The fear of intimacy can override one’s physical desire to connect deeply.

5. Hormones, circulation and physical energy can aid and benefit our need for sexual intimacy and connection or be an interference for our body to function optimally. Read the information I have written regarding my Healthy Libido and Healthy Hormones I supplements. Both men and women can appreciate enjoying better sex when hormones and circulation are working better. Sexual desire can be lacking when testosterone is low and poor blood flow can be impaired because of hardening of the arteries (atherosclerosis). I use Arginine (an amino acid) and other nutrients to improve blood flow, and my Healthy Blood Pressure supplement supports healthy blood vessels, blood flow and blood pressure.

6. Lastly, simple and so important: If you have sex in the evening, DO NOT overeat. Sometimes your mojo is hard to get going because your belly is so full you just want to go to sleep.

7. And please don’t forget to brush your teeth. Peanut butter or garlic breath kills the best of intentions. Just sayin!

I recommend a new book called Sexual Enlightenment: How to Create Lasting Fulfillment in Life, Love & Intimacy by Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver. Elsbeth and Freddy have written a beautiful book that offers many distinctions about love and using sexual energy as a way of deepening intimacy. They offer talks and workshops that are revealing, profound and life changing given the challenges so many people experience with intimacy and sex. Check out their website for information: www.tantranova.com

Thanks for sharing this. Feel free to send me your comments, ideas or questions.

Have fun !!!

Remember when you share your physical sexual energy with another person, you have a unique opportunity to appreciate, acknowledge and connect to their essence and spirit. 

DR B